You’ve got the looks, you’re in the position to start dating, but — charm? Do you have that? You don’t know. You’re unsure that maybe being quiet is going to harm you more than it helps when it comes to attracting girls (honestly, who isn’t insecure about being too quiet). But, How can a quiet guy attract a girl? Is being quiet attractive?
First, you have to understand why you are quiet. If that’s just your personality, that’s okay, some people are quiet observers who would rather listen than talk. If you’re quiet for a reason that’s treading the line between anxious and insecure, then you may have a problem.
Being quiet stems from an anxious point-of-view that what could be said shouldn’t, and if it is said then it may not be said well. Doing so would disallow yourself from enjoying one of the best parts of human interaction, and that is: the art of imperfection.
It’s okay to fumble words, to not always have the right thing to say, as long as you are being yourself someone will appreciate the authenticity rather than hoping that you’d have something better to say. But you’re not worrying about that, you’re worrying about how to strike up a conversation with that girl in a coffee shop, the person you eye across the bar.
What do you say, what do you do?
It’s a tumultuous task, and if you’re acquainted with the technological advances that have pitted everyone against one another in this social media centric world, then you know how hard it is to go up and talk to someone rather than sending them a DM or Text (granted that you know their handles or number).
First off, it’s best to know that the person you are aiming to attract is more extroverted in their personality than you are. You may have a hard time gaining their attention on an introductory basis. Which is fine, know your limits. But also know that if you’re the one initiating the conversation, you’re gonna have to carry that weight — if they’re extroverted or not.
Going over to someone and saying hi, throwing an oft compliment, or even striking up a slightly boring conversation is more game-changing than thinking about it. Girls appreciate the confidence and know that putting yourself out there can be nerve-wracking, so even if they decline your advances cordially, know that you’ve gained favor in their court due to your confidence.
Quiet guys can do one of two things to attract a girl (more so one they do not know):
- Be themselves awkward and all.
- Put on a mask and pretend to be someone they are not.
If you are the type that enjoys drinks being bought for you at a bar, and you’re at a bar and see someone who interests you, go up and buy them a drink. Strike that conversation, enjoy their presence, and don’t fret over if you do anything wrong or say something stupid, the person you’re talking to is doing the same thing.
Don’t be afraid of rejection, everyone in life, single, married, divorced — has dealt with rejection. Rejection is a byproduct of putting yourself out there, and if you don’t put yourself out there to be rejected, you’ll never have a chance to be accepted either.
If you’re wanting to attract someone that you are friends with, invite them out to a movie, a concert, or somewhere that plays to your strengths and weaknesses. Most people don’t talk for the entirety of a movie, and if you’re at a concert, then the music does the talking.
What matters for attraction is experience, going and doing something is a whole lot better than sitting and talking about doing something, eventually, you’re gonna have to do it, or someone else will.
Be mindful of yourself, and don’t overthink things. Being quiet is not a weakness, nor a strength, it’s all about how you play the cards you are dealt and what you can achieve by doing so.