You may not even see it coming, but she does. She marked you for her machinations before you ever saw her. To avoid the gold digger trap, you have to know what to look for. She certainly knows how to make you hot under the collar, but is it really love? Gold diggers come in many forms. Not all of them are like Cristal from the Boondocks.
Gold diggers are people too, so they have weaknesses, tells, and even (occasional) redeeming qualities. As hard as it is to believe, anyone can end up with a real-life gold digger. In fact, even the myth that they’re all drop-dead gorgeous eye/arm candy isn’t true. A gold digger is any woman (or man) who’s only in the relationship for financial reasons.
Know the Types
Though there are as many permutations as there are different gold diggers, the general types remain the same. They have some things in common, but the most important is that whoever she is, and whatever walk of life she comes from or aspires to, she wants your money. It’s not about you. As long as you don’t look like a melted candle and smell like rotting broccoli, you’re on her list.
Women who work for any relationship, no matter how poor the guy, as long as he provides, so they don’t have to work another job are ghetto diggers. They often have no skills and may have a history of abuse that leads them to believe this is normal behavior. Moreover, they aren’t even necessarily skilled so much as differently motivated. It’s not about moving up in the world for them. More likely, they don’t want to move at all. As long as you pay their way, they’ll ride along, even if you never move out of the worst neighborhood in town. Don’t mistake it for stupidity or laziness, they will work just as hard to achieve their goals.
The Middle-Class Digger
This Gold Digger isn’t looking for yacht rides and caviar any more than the first type. They do expect a big rock out of the engagement, and you better have a great job. However, you don’t need a million bucks to land a mid-level gold digger. She wants nice things, but she’s more interested in keeping up with the Joneses than the Kardashians.
The Courtesan Gold Digger
This is the classic stereotype gold digger. In times past she’d be called a mistress. She does expect you to shell out enough for her apartment, gym membership, shoes, and everything else. If you don’t take her on expensive trips, she’s not putting out, and furthermore, she’ll probably move on to the next guy who flashes a Rolex at her gold-plated lifestyle. She is everything a gold digger dreams of and more. Plus, her boyfriend is probably to busy with his multi-billion dollar business to bother her for sex too often, but he sends diamonds instead of roses, so she’s okay with it.
The Honest Digger
As strange as it sounds, you can find gold diggers who are honest about their profession/lifestyle. More often than not, it will be something she discusses with other people, not her main financial squeeze. Still, she’ll come right out and say it. It’s not much of an upsell as these things go, but you can at least respect the truth.
The She-Player Gold Digger
Some people treat life like a game. The She-Player is in it for the money, make no mistake, but for her, it’s just an amusing diversion. This gold digger has real talent and brains, and she finds it amusing to use them to dupe people. At heart, she’s just a brilliant con-artist who loves to roll a mark.
The Lost Kitten Gold Digger
She used to have something or be someone. This gold digger is looking for more than money. She needs your validation too. She wants to get back to a place she’s idealized in her head, that may never have been what she thinks. Unfortunately, she’s doomed to failure because you can’t repeat the past, and she may not even know she’s doing it to herself. Someone used to buy her ponies, or tell her they would anyhow. Now that she’s a real adult she’s still looking for that treatment from a sex-partner, but it will never be enough.
The Any-Port Digger
These are perhaps the saddest of all gold-digging subtypes. This digger doesn’t care if you look like a fatter, older, love child of Iggy Pop and Roseanne Barr. She may be aging, or perhaps she’s from an impoverished background. In the end, it doesn’t matter where she came from, or what you look like, she’ll do anything you want as long as she gets to spend your paycheck when you’re busy (which she hopes is often). This is the gold digger that specializes in making a less attractive partner feel like they won the lottery just because she looks at you twice.
Know the Signs
With so many different types, it would seem like they have very different tells. You can find them all over. From the beaches of Bali and Fiji to the corner drugstore on the wrong side of the tracks in a middle American small-town. Anywhere there’s money, and there’s money everywhere if you’re not shooting for the stars.
Paying For Sex
There are some similarities that all gold diggers have. The most obvious of which is that they usually only put out when you pay up. Not unlike a prostitute, but much more legal, they expect you to foot the bill, but buying dinner isn’t the end of it.
When you bring a girl beautiful jewelry, and she assumes it means sex, you’ve got a potential gold digger. It’s not a universal tell, lots of women were raised with the stereotype so deeply ingrained that they ‘have to,’ if you buy them something. It’s an excellent place to start looking, though.
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If she loses it when you refuse to buy something she wants, that’s another typical tell. Having a toddler tantrum when she can’t have a new car or the shiny thing that caught her eye is classic gold digger behavior.
Sometimes she’ll wheel and deal for it, offering you what you want if she gets hers. Alternately, this can come out as pouting prettily instead. Any way she expresses her displeasure, it’s the same. Her entitlement gets the best of her.
Dreams of Dollar Signs
Also, look at how she lives. If she’s pulling down a barely above minimum wage salary, but her bags are Louis Vuitton, her heels are Jimmy Choo, and her lingerie is Bordelle, either she’s a gold digger, a cat burglar or maybe her parents are wealthy. A gold digger may even tell you who bought the lovely things she has. Comparing you to past lovers who knew how to treat her ‘right’ to make you feel small and inadequate is a weapon in her arsenal.
Ask her where she wants to go if you’re still not sure. When her first thought is the poshest place in town, or at least somewhere you’d consider expensive, then she’s digging. Talk about her dream vacations. She wants a chateau in France or at least a week in Vegas. It’s never going to be something like heading down to a B&B somewhere quiet and relaxed with no shopping to speak of.
How to Get Rid of a Gold Digger
So now you know what to avoid, but what if it’s already too late? How can you ditch the digger before you go broke, or end up as a baby-daddy? No worries, we’ve got that covered. There are some pretty easy ways to get out of a lousy gold digger’s boudoir.
Change Your Style
If all the women you meet are gold diggers, stop picking up women in the places you usually go. Don’t use the same lines, and don’t ask them out on expensive dates. Dress down, meet women somewhere they’ll be doing things you find interesting, but not cruising. If you like to ski, hit a cheap slope, and stay in a local motel instead of a suite by the slope.
If you’re already… less than wealthy, go a little upscale. Avoid the ladies who want you for your income, and find women who have their own. Offer to split the bill until you know each other better. Tell her upfront that you want an equal partner who can handle her own business. An empowered and employed woman will find you refreshing and delightful.
Just Say No
Cut her off. It’s not always simple, but it can be. When your gold digger calls, don’t answer. Don’t give in to the wheeling and dealing and pretty pouting. Ignore the tantrums and accusations. In short, break up. You’re an adult, and you can say thanks, but no thanks.
This won’t work if she’s the mother of your children. At least you’ll have to see her in court now and then, but you don’t have to volunteer more. Spend time with your kids, but do it without her. A divorce is always an option.
If you’re sure you’ve fallen in with a gold digger, tell her you lost your money. Go to work, but don’t let on that it’s payday, ever. Instead, assure her you’re looking for a job, and ask her to foot the bill for a while. You can rest assured that she won’t let you stick around if you have nothing she wants.
Alternately, you can tell her you had a spiritual awakening and gave it all up to charity so you can live a simple life with her somewhere humble and inexpensive. If she loves you, she’ll get a better job and offer to let you move in. Otherwise, you’ll be single soon.
The sad reality is that a gold digger doesn’t love you. She only loves what you can give her, even if she likes you. Take off the Rolex and Balenciaga kicks, and show up in a thrift store outfit.
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There’s a place for everything. For gold diggers, your wallet is the place to be. Don’t fall for their ploys and trickery. There are lots of women out there, and not all of them want what’s in your pocket. After all, this isn’t the 1950s. Ladies have jobs that involve more than bringing coffee and getting their butts smacked.
There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘traditional,’ relationship where one partner pays the bills, and the other stays home. That’s a decision you should make together, not an expectation. A good housewife (or husband) is a hard worker too. They contribute, and they appreciate what they have. A woman who’s ready to be a great partner, and share a life with you is priceless. It’s worth the wait and putting in enough effort to make sure she’s ‘the one.’ She won’t fall into your lap because you buy her dinner, but she will thank you (unlike most gold diggers) when you do. Moreover, she’ll offer to take you out or do things, other than sex, in return.