A great first date is the best feeling ever! Your hopes are high, and your heart’s all aflutter. Then the end of the night comes, and you have to say goodbye. This is the perfect time to ditch a bad date, but when things went great, what should you do? If you’re too standoffish, they won’t want to see you again, but if you misread the body language and go too far, you’ll blow it. I can help you work out a reasonable method for choosing the right move. Social etiquette has changed a lot since the boomer generation was going out for the first time, but deciding whether to french kiss and how far to go has always been a dating problem.
Is it okay to french kiss on the first date? It’s okay to french kiss on a first date. Provided the person you’re with wants it, a good kiss is a perfect end to a first date. When in doubt, ask them out on a second date, and if they say yes, go for the kiss.
What First Date French Kissing Mean
Everyone is different, so french kissing on a first date means different things. Typically, a deep smooch is an indication of interest in more. It’s relatively rare for someone to use their tongue if they don’t plan to see you again.
For some, it’s a hope that they’ll get invited inside. However, others feel it’s more like a chemistry test to see if there’s a good reason to try again. Matching passion levels are essential for a great kiss.
Whenever you think you may kiss, prep your lips. No one likes a dry, scratchy kiss. I recommend the NOONI Appily Lip Duo from Amazon. Even men can wear the barely-tinted lip oil, and the overnight mask will leave your lips looking fabulous for your date. Check NOONI’s reviews here.
Men
Although most people have similar interpretations of a french kiss, men tend to be a little more forward about them. That’s social programming. However, nothing is stopping a woman from having the same intent.
Most men will french on a first date to show ongoing interest. Whether they want that continuation to happen right now or in the future depends on the man. However, you’ll find very few men use their tongue when they don’t want to see you again.
Women
Women show passion and interest in their kisses. However, a timid woman may feel socially obligated to respond in kind. Again, this is a throwback behavior based on social programming.
Keep an eye on her body language. If she’s not leaning into the kiss and giving as good as she gets, it could get awkward. Hopefully, this unfortunate disparity is finally on the way out for good.
How Do You Know When to French Kiss
I said it before, and it bears repeating. If you are not sure about the end-of date kiss, ask them out again before you lean in. That should tell you what you need to know. If they hesitate, give a hug or a handshake and move along.
Not everyone is good with body language, but there are some simple cues anyone can watch for. First, was the date curt and awkward? That’s a bad sign. If you didn’t have a great conversation and spend more time together than you needed to, it might be a lost cause.
Secondly, watch the eyes. Attraction causes pupils (the black part in the middle of the eyes) to dilate. People who are attracted may also blink more than usual. Batting the eyelashes is subconscious.
Third, look for, and give mirroring posture and gestures. When people emulate one another, it’s a sign that they are seeking common ground. In short, they like each other. Likewise, a lot of leaning in and getting close is a sign of a desire to be nearer.
If your date seems distant and moves away from you, they aren’t into it. Even if you know you’re a hot commodity, not everyone is going to want you. Be graceful and courteous in defeat. When it’s not meant to be, that’s because there’s someone else out there who is the right match.
When to Peck Instead of Frenching
Sometimes a full french kiss might feel right, but still, be the wrong choice. It’s okay to give a little peck instead. Mainly if you are still wondering what to do. Moreover, there’s something to be said for leaving your ‘audience’ wanting more.
A tremendous first french kiss is worth putting a little planning into. Moreover, you can avoid serial first-daters and remorse by knowing how to pick your moment. While there’s nothing wrong with frenching on a first date, it’s not always going to be right.
Choose a peck instead of the tongue when there are extenuating circumstances. Every first french kiss should be memorable. Whether it’s a hookup or the love of your life, you both deserve a good smooch.
Show some discernment and know when to say, “Next time.” You can still give your date a sweet and lingering peck. Think of it as a sexy preview of what’s to come.
Reasons to Wait
- Age- Older people may not be as willing to french kiss on a first date because they had different social programming as children.
- Audience- If people are watching, like family members, roommates, or others, you may want to go with a light peck and then tell them you wanted more, but the audience did too. A first kiss should be special and personal.
- Connection Level- Unfortunately, sometimes, the connection wasn’t quite right. If you’re hesitant, skip the french kiss. Ask them out again to see if the second date feels more together.
- Uncertainty- You may not be aware of the nuances of dating, but when you’re not feeling the kiss, don’t do it.
- Religion- If the person you asked out is from a very standoffish religious background, don’t go for the deep kiss. However, you can always talk to your date about what they feel is ‘too much, too soon.’
- Culture- Some cultures, regardless of religious morals, have a substantial taboo against kissing. If you’re not familiar enough with your dates’ background, ask them questions.
- Experience- Are you new to dating, or out of practice? Maybe a gentile lip peck is going to feel more natural. However, make sure you tell them how much you want to see them again if you don’t show it.
- Illness- Have either of you been sick lately? Especially during cold and flu season, or during an outbreak like the H1N1 or Coronavirus, holding off on deep kisses, or any kissing at all may be the smart choice.
Anytime there’s a reason to wait, do so. Ultimately, you have the rest of your life to test your tongue chemistry. Plus, a little anticipation and courtesy can go a long way with the right person. It’s not about denying yourself, but rather getting the best instead of settling for whatever.
When you’re pecking or frenching, take good care of your lips. Try the Olay Regenerist Face Wash and Scrub Kit. If you haven’t done lip care before, you’ll be glad you started, and so will your date. It feels a little strange to the uninitiated, but the results are well worth it. To learn more on Amazon, click here.
When You Should Not Kiss on a First Date
Sometimes not only should you not french kiss, but you should skip the kissing altogether. Uncertainty about being too forward is one thing, but there are lots of other reasons to forgo any smooching. Here are a few examples of when a handshake is best.
- Lousy Date- This is obvious, but if the date wasn’t great, say goodnight and walk away.
- Hung Up- When you spend the whole date pining for someone else, don’t kiss the one you’re with.
- Unwell- Not feeling so great? It’s okay to let them know you had fun, but you worry you might be coming down with something.
- Bad Breath- Hopefully, you remembered to brush. Regardless, if you or your date has nasty breath, no one wants to taste it.
- Wounds on Mouth- More than half the people in the USA have oral herpes. You might call them cold sores. If you have cracked lips or cuts of any kind, you could stand to wait on that tongue action.
Never risk a kiss that might make you, or your date feel worse later. You’ll find the right connection faster with good sense than you will with an overenthusiastic tongue. If you’re looking for a hookup, be clear about that. You’d be surprised how far it will get you. After all, there’s an app for that.
Whoever you kiss, taking good care of your lips will always make it better. An excellent lip sunscreen like the one in the Sun Bum Premium Day Tripper kit will keep your lips healthy and soft. No one wants to think about burnt lips or worse. Luckily, with a little forethought, you won’t ever need to miss a kiss. Check prices and availability on Amazon.
Final Thoughts
Deciding whether you should french kiss on the first date can seem stressful and overwhelming. Especially if you’re young or have been out of the dating scene a while, you may want to overthink things. Try to do what comes naturally.
Inevitably, if your natural feeling doesn’t match theirs, it may not be a good match. Wanting to be with someone shouldn’t overwhelm your common sense. Learning you’re not a match on the first date is crummy, but not as bad as forcing it to work and finding out years later in divorce court.
Ultimately, there’s no real stigma attached to kissing on a first date anymore. Your first french kiss needs to be between you and the person you want to kiss. Everyone else can keep their tongue out of it.